I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
