im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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