I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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