Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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