Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
