I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize