There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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