I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
third nipple confirmed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
