Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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