I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
