I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
