my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
