My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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