you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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