I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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