this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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