remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
