Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize