He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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