happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
