You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
