dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
