Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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