I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
