Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize