Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize