I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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