I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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