3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
