the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
