I want to walk on stilts...naked
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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