She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
