I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
