when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
