my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
