I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
