Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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