Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
