I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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