she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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