i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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