I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
