I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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