don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
