Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
