I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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