Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend