it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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