if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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