I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
