Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
