This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
