eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
