i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
