We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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