Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize