Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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