my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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