the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
