Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
