you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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