note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
